I want to do more creative things in my life. However, I’m having a hard time getting started. I don’t feel like I can sit down to do something creative until I feel settled. Then once I feel settled enough to do something, I start interrupting myself to do other, more mundane things of varying usefulness. Just, while writing these few sentences, I got up from the computer twice and opened up several new tabs in Firefox to do and look for other things. I didn’t really need to any of those things at any of those moments.
I want to take a creative writing class, but I just can’t afford it right now. I also need to produce something of a creative nature (be it writing, soap or whatever) that I am happy with so I can feel like I am actually capable of doing creative things.
I can’t even admit out loud that I am interested in creative writing. (It was hard to type too.) I want to write, but I am afraid. I’m not sure if I am afraid of the writing itself or the material that would come out of it. Or whether it is something else completely.
I’ve always said that I wanted to write a book before I am dead. The problem is, I have to actually write a book before I am dead.