hellomelissa.net

March 2010 brings me to my 10th anniversary of blogging. My archives that you see on this site start at April 2000, but my first test posts that seem to be long gone were put up near the end of March 2000. I had a couple of Geocities websites before that, but they were more static in content. Blogging these last ten years has seen me through one free webspace provider, two self-hosted domains (and one domain for non-blog stuff), one blog-specific hosting service and now this site here. I’ve used three platforms (Blogger, Vox and now Wordpress) and am now relieved that I don’t have to keep up with the bleeding edge of web design to create an attractive, functional website. When I coded my own pages, I used to spend hours just getting stuff to work – I have never been a professional web designer and I’ve never gotten my head around web programming. I’m grateful to so many people who have spent their time creating great things for other web users to use – and often for free. Thank you to each and every one of you.

I’m not telling you this to brag, to say “Look at me! I’m so cool! I’ve probably been doing this longer than you!” That is truly not my intent. I say this because I feel like after all this time, I am finally starting to come out of the woodwork and since few people realized I was here beforehand, I feel I have to mention my longevity in the medium to prove my legitimacy.

“Hey! I’m worth reading! I’ve been doing this forever! I’m not a flash in the pan!”

Lame, isn’t it? Especially since in all my years of doing this, I’ve never had much of an audience. I’ve always said ‘it’s not about the audience, it’s about me’ but I will freely admit that I would love to have a little bit more interaction. A few more readers that say something. A few more readers, frankly.

I’ve always had a hard time making friends. My mother always told me growing up that I had to reach out first. That people wouldn’t talk to me first. I always thought that if we’re all supposed to make the first move, how come no one is reaching out to me? Cue cycle of feeling lame and loserlike and not reaching out myself. That’s not to say I don’t have any friends. I do, and I love them all dearly. It’s just that none of them do this blogging thing, so it’s hard for them to relate. Some of them still don’t have high-speed internet access. I turned down an apartment when I moved to Toronto ten years ago specifically because it didn’t have high-speed internet, so clearly our priorities are a little different.

Now that I’ve explained myself as a longtime blogger who has a hard time making friends, let’s get to the point of this post.

Over the last few months, I have tried to reach out to the blogosphere at large. Making more replies on Twitter. Leaving comments on other people’s blogs. Going out to events where other bloggers will be – and actually being brave enough to speak up and say hi. These things have not come easy to me. I’m often shy around people I don’t know well, which can make meetups awkward. I also don’t like butting into established conversations, which makes commenting on blogs feel weird sometimes. Twitter has made some of this easier but I want to do better.

In the last two weeks, I’ve met some really great women at two events: PodCamp Toronto and the book launch for Mothering and Blogging: The Radical Act of the MommyBlog. I was so glad that I gathered up my courage and went out to these events. I learned things I didn’t expect to at both places and the social interaction was a lovely bonus.

I’m not sure that I’ll be turning into a social butterfly any time soon, but it’s nice to do more than lurk and wish I had went somewhere after the event has already taken place. I look forward to reaching out to all of you more and more.

While Sean was napping, Flora decided to do some sneaking.

Digging around.

Really digging.

Success! But I think she really wanted his iPhone.

Sean says he didn’t really wake up while this was going on, which surprised me. After all this pickpocketing, she spent time poking his face (I did stop her and tell her no every time, but she was quite intent on checking him out while she was sleeping.)

As I sit here with my laptop in the living room, Sean is snoring next to me on the couch. I really should take the hint and wake him up so we can go to bed, but I’m enjoying the (almost) quiet time and am trying to get some online stuff done.

(Cue Sean waking up, but not being quite ready to go to bed yet.)

Looking around, it looks like my living room looks like it exploded. Honestly, so does the rest of the house, but we won’t talk about that. When can I train Flora to put her toys away and maybe do a little mopping around here? This is a semi-serious question – does anyone have any advice on how to get a nearly 18-month old to pick up her toys? Or am I fighting a losing battle at this point?

In other related Flora news, she is started to turn into a real chatterbox. It’s not all real words, but there’s more and more of them every day. We’ve even heard a few two-word sentences out of her where we understood both words. The first one was “Daddy toot” which has been a big source of laughs every time it comes up. Today’s sentence was “do it”, which she said when she was going up the stairs. Yes, she’s climbing stairs now. Up for a couple of weeks, and down successfully for the first time tonight.

And yet the little bugger still doesn’t want to walk on her own. She’ll sometimes take your hand and walk, or do lots of cruising holding onto stuff, but no solo steps yet. Girlfriend definitely has a mind of her own. She’s climbing and standing for longer periods, so we know she’s capable. She just doesn’t want to walk places on her own. My mom suggested a push toy that she can stand up and walk with – we may give that a go. She loves her baby dolls (her favourite word is ‘baby’) so maybe a doll stroller would work.

And now Sean is snoring again. I think it really is time for us to go to bed.

Not making it to halftime

Originally uploaded by MPriceMitchell

My big plan for the Super Bowl was to get Flora dancing in front of the TV during the halftime show while wearing her Who shirt. This picture was taken maybe 45 minutes before the set started. Someone was getting sleepy.

After her bath and once her jammies were on, we went downstairs to say good night to Daddy and our friends who were over to watch the game. Naturally, that is when the halftime show started.

So she danced in her jammies. Close enough.

I have a question for all you bloggers out there with young kids.

How do you find the time to write?

As you can see from the severe lack of content on this site lately, I’ve been having difficulty finding the time to write. There is just so much else to do!

I know that is a totally lame excuse. We all have lots to do, whether it’s kid stuff, work stuff, house stuff or other life stuff.

But seriously, how do you fit in time to write? I’d love some advice.

This is Sean’s new tattoo. The bull is the old logo for the Belleville Bulls, the OHL team closest to our hometown.

Here’s the story of how he ended up getting it today, and how I found out about it.

Sean and our friend Jason had made plans to go to Toronto’s Fan Expo today. They got all the way down there and discovered hordes of people in long lines that weren’t moving anywhere. They walked through various open doors to find more lines of people (many dressed up as their favourite character from whatever fandom they enjoy best). There were lines to buy tickets. There were lines to get in after those tickets were purchased. They decided that waiting in all those lines wasn’t worth their time. So they left.

What’s with all this buildup? I’ll get to that.

So apparently they wandered around downtown for awhile, visiting the Silver Snail, having a couple of beers at The Bier Markt, and buying cigars at Frank Correnti Cigars. So, it was a good guy’s day out. After a quick visit with a friend of Jason’s who works in the area they were in, they ended up in a tattoo shop. Sean has been considering getting a tattoo in commemoration of Flora’s birth. He’s been struggling with the image as I don’t think he’s keen on getting a flower (the meaning of the name Flora) tattooed on him, and wanted to make sure any tattoo he did get was the right one. (I’ve tried to veto the use of a fireflower for Super Mario Brothers with her name and birthdate underneath, but I need to remember that it’s not my body – I just have to look at it.)

So they were looking at the different designs in the shop when Jason (ever the good friend), points out the sample of the original Belleville Bulls logo. Sean has always said that if he won the lottery, he would buy the Belleville Bulls – he’s that big a Bull Booster. So he was excited to see the Bulls logo in tattoo form, and once he saw that artwork, made an appointment right away to get it put on his calf.

Keep in mind that I don’t know any of this is happening right now. I’m home with Flora thinking that these two are spending too much money on GI Joe action figures and getting their pictures taken with Star Wars characters and Transformers.

At about 6PM, Jason and Sean come in. Jason is in first and gives me a very low-key “hi”. I ask what’s going on, and he kinda points at Sean, mumbling that something happened to him. As he hobbled through the door, I see that Sean is all bandaged up. “What the hell happened to you?” I ask (it was more sympathetic than it sounds). Sean then tells me that he was hit by a cyclist while walking downtown and it scraped up his leg really bad. They flagged down a paramedic driving by and he bandaged it up. Shocked and worried, I ask if he’s all right and if he needs stitches or followup care. He says it needs to be wrapped until tomorrow, but he’s essentially okay – the pebbles have been cleaned out and the wound looks dressed enough that it won’t leak all over the couch or sheets.

The evening progresses and I put Flora to bed. Once she is down, I go on my computer in the next room to kill time while making sure that Flora is really going down for the night. I open up Facebook and I see that Sean has updated his profile picture. To the picture you see above.

I know Sean is a big Bulls fan, but I think to myself “it’s tacky to use someone else’s tattoo as your profile photo”. When I looked closer, I thought to myself “holy shit, that’s *my* couch in the background of that photo”. I go downstairs and make the following statement:

“I had to find out you got a new tattoo via Facebook?”

Big laughs all around. They wondered how long it would take me to find out. Turns out I found out about two minutes after the photo was posted. There was no teenage cyclist who ran my husband down. The two of them concocted that story on the way home.

It’s a good thing I checked Facebook tonight. I had planned to write a Twitter status, complaining about assholes on bikes who run down people and don’t even stay to apologize or help the victim get up. And that would have been posted to Facebook too.

And that would have just looked silly, given what I know now. Our friends would think we never talk to each other.

At the end of April, I was planning to write several posts about my experiences mothering my daughter over these last eight months. They were going to lead up to some flowery thoughts on Mother’s Day. They were going to be a lovely reminder of what I was doing and how I felt about things going on in Flora’s, Sean’s and my life as a new family.

However, mothering a young baby does not always lend itself to writing thoughtful, poignant, loving tributes to the various facets of motherhood in a timely fashion. There are just so many other things to do, like raise the kid. I’ve been spending my time mothering instead of writing about mothering. This is probably not a bad thing. Even now, as I sit here trying to write something, I feel like I’m going all over the place. There is so much I want to say, and it’s hard to rein in all these big thoughts to tell the story the way I want to.

Growing up, and well into my twenties, I never expected to have kids. If someone had told me at fifteen, or twenty, or even twenty-five, that I would spend my thirtieth birthday sitting on my deck with close friends, nearly 39 weeks pregnant, waiting to find out if I was going to be induced later that week, I would have laughed at them. It’s just not something I ever expected I would do. Yet here we are. (There are several cliches that describe this perfectly, but I’ll leave you to use the one that you prefer.)

Some people like to say that “if I’d known I would love having a child so much, I would have had one sooner”. I don’t feel that way. If I had a baby earlier in my life, I would never have had Flora. I would have had another baby, and while I’m sure he or she would be a wonderful person, he or she wouldn’t be Flora. She has taught me so much already, and I’m not sure that I would have been ready to learn from another baby from another, younger time. I can only hope that I can teach Flora all the things she needs to know to live safely and happily as a citizen of the world. I know we will continue to teach each other for the rest of our lives.

The weekend I first told my parents that Sean and I were expecting, I told my mother that I still wanted to be the same person I was before I had the baby. I still wanted to like dirty jokes, loud music, silly movies, a couple glasses of wine now and again and all the other stuff I enjoyed before the Baby would turn my life upside down. I was terrified that I would lose myself and only be regarded as a Mommy. My mom quickly set me straight and told me that I would still be the same person. She talked me down from more than a few worrisome points, and I am grateful to her for that. The best mothering advice she gave me is that “common sense goes a long way”. And it does.

I knew I would love my baby unconditionally, but I didn’t know how physical that bond would be. At the beginning, Flora would cry and I would leak milk, soaking whatever I was wearing. Watching her nurse filled me with awe and pride that  I could provide my child the sustenance she needed to grow and thrive. It still does, even though I’m not her sole source of food anymore. The amount of time I’ve spent holding her, comforting her, breathing her baby smell in. I never expected to be smelling her so much, whether to enjoy a freshly-bathed baby ready for bed, or to sniff for a dirty bum.

It really is a visceral connection. I know our connection will change as we get older. I just hope that I can remember all these awe-inspiring, life-changing, huge, loving feelings for the rest of my days. And that I can find the right words to describe them to her.

Flora started taking swimming lessons at the beginning of April. A couple of weeks ago, CityNews came and filmed some of the lessons to do a segment on babies and swimming. This is the article that resulted from that. Flora and I made the lead photo, which I am ridiculously proud of. We also show up in this video segment.

I’ve been telling everyone, but Grandma Faye and Grandma Janet are especially tickled – they haven’t seen Flora swim yet, so this was a really fun way for them to see it.

Flora has had an exciting couple of weeks. She’s eating lots of different pureed foods now and we’re introducing more as we see that she’s not reacting to what she’s already eating. She likes most of it, but it usually takes a couple tries of a food before she stops making a WTF face and spitting out half of each bite. She even did that with applesauce (today’s introduction). That surprised me as I thought she’d like the sweetness after carrots and peas. Maybe it was a texture thing.

Flora is also getting the hang of sitting up. She can’t pull herself into a sitting position herself yet, but if you sit her up and let go, she can sit for several minutes before she gets tired and tips over. The tipping over is adorable, but being able to sit up will really open up her toy options so I look forward to her being able to do it completely independently.

I have to say that six-month old babies are way more fun than newborns. Flora babbles lots and is starting to squawk and squeal, which is always good for a smile. She doesn’t fall asleep instantly in the stroller or wrap anymore – she needs to see what is going on. Girlfriend doesn’t miss a trick.

Anymore of this talk, and I’m going to be laying the “my baby is the best baby ever” stuff on a little too thick. I better stop and just let the pictures speak for themselves.

Flora turned six months old yesterday! Watching a baby grow really lets a person see how quickly time can pass. September feels like a lifetime ago, yet the time has gone so quickly. I think Sean and I have adjusted to parenthood pretty well. We have our little routines and rituals and we all get along most of the time. I think we’re a happy little family. We’ve been lucky that Flora has been an easy baby – no colic, naps well most of the time and gives us lots of smiles. The smiles make me think we’re doing something right.

Speaking of smiles, she is starting to ham it up for the camera now, getting excited and smiling instead of just making WTF faces. I got a few great smiley pictures of her yesterday, where I normally only get one where she is in halfway between smiling and serious. It’s not a toothy grin yet though – Flora doesn’t have any teeth, but she is chewing, drooling and sucking on her hands all the time, so teeth are probably imminent. However, my mum tells me that I didn’t have any teeth until I was over a year old, so Flora’s teeth could take their time too. As long as I don’t discover her tooth by receiving a bite on the boob, I’ll be happy.

I’m still breastfeeding, but Flora started on cereal almost two weeks ago. She is slurping it up like a champ, and I plan to start introducing vegetables by the end of next week. I’m amazed – and proud – that breastfeeding went so well for us. She was exclusively breastfed until we started cereal. When I was pregnant, I had hoped to nurse for about six months. Now I plan to do it for as long as I am able and she is interested. I do go back to work in mid-June though, so that may put a kink in my supply. I don’t want to pump at the office. I’m not embarrassed to do it, but I don’t think I’ll be able to take enough time to pump enough milk to make it worth my time. By that point (she’ll be nine months old), she’ll be eating lots of solids and if I can nurse in the morning and at night, I think we can make it work. If I have to supplement with formula during the day, that’s what I’ll do, but I do admit that I will be disappointed – I like her being an all-booby baby. It astounds me that I was able to provide her the nourishment and nutrition she needed to more than double her birth weight in under six months. Now, if she could only stop taking that nourishment and nutrition at 3AM, we’d be all set.

Flora’s been trying to sit up for a couple weeks now. If we pull her up by her hands and position her, she can hold it on her own for about 5-10 seconds before she tips over. I’m looking forward to when she can finally sit on her own because she’s got some toys that she’d enjoy a lot more sitting up.

She’s very observant and doesn’t miss a trick. She’s starting to get chatty – mostly “ba”, vowel sounds and the occasional “mah, mah MAH!” when she is frustrated. She also continues to blow lots of raspberries and has varied up her technique to include raspberries that sound like either purring or farts. (My kid makes fart jokes already! Awesome!) She’s not quite laughing yet, but she makes noises and smiles at laugh-inducing moments so I think she is really trying.

She’s starting to stay awake when we go out in the stroller so it will be nice when I visit both my and Sean’s offices. The last time I visited, she slept through the entire thing and no one saw her eyes. We’re looking forward to visiting both places when it warms up a bit.

I may be a little biased, but Flora seems to be shaping up into a good kid. I think we’re going to keep her.

I can hear her waking up from her morning nap so I will leave you with a video I made yesterday to commemorate her six-month half-birthday.

Flora is six months old today! from Melissa Price-Mitchell on Vimeo.

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