thinking | hellomelissa.net

That Day

Sep 112011

Ten years ago, I wrote about 9/11 on this site in these entries:

I remember being so scared, and so sad. I read about people’s experiences online. I worried about the erosion of civil liberties and privacy in the name of security.

When I went to New York City this spring, we visited Ground Zero and the church people used as a homebase. Seeing the display of badges from all over the world made me weepy. Knowing that people are willing to drop everything and help when someone (or a lot of someones) are in trouble is a comfort.

The phrase that keeps running through my head now comes from a post I read a couple of days ago at Ask Moxie.

Look for the helpers.

Whether it’s a national tragedy or a personal crisis, look for the helpers. They’re there and they will come. You just need to ask. Sometimes you don’t even have to do that.

More importantly, be the helper, in whatever way you can be.

Work, and life advice I hope to follow

feminism, ideas, irritants, life, thinking No Responses »

Jul 062011

I’ve had this video from TEDWomen on my to-watch list for a couple of months. I finally watched it after reading the Metafilter commentary on it and this New Yorker article earlier today.

This video features Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook talking about “why a smaller percentage of women than men reach the top of their professions — and offers 3 powerful pieces of advice to women aiming for the C-suite”. (Quote taken from TED page.)

You should take the time to watch this whether you’re a woman who works “outside the home”, if you’re home with your family, or if you’re somewhere in between. It’s about fifteen minutes in length.

This video really resonated with me. The three points she talks about are really good career (and life) advice for women at any stage in their career.

It seems that in some circles, there are training programs, mentors and coaching to women (and men) who are on their way up in the business world. These are good things.

What I’d like to know: where are the programs for people (women and men) who are high performers, but not quite management material. The ones who aren’t ready, or (heaven forbid!) don’t have the desire to be in management but want to be high-level individual contributors. What about the people who don’t realize that they would be great business leaders because they are too busy handling their regular job? And because their company is stretched so tight, the powers that be can’t let that high performer stretch beyond their role because they need someone to turn that cog or push that pixel.

How do we develop those people so they feel like they could even climb the next step of that ever-lengthening ladder? Or is the only option that we develop those people so they eventually move into jobs at other companies as the current company simply cannot see that person outside of their current role? How can those high performers help themselves move forward, if being a high performer isn’t enough?

Sorry, I’m getting a little off-topic here.

Another facet of this presentation that impressed me was that Ms Sandberg admitted that she didn’t know the answers and that she was struggling with a lot of the same issues. As a person who has worked as a high-level executive at both Facebook and Google (among other places), I wrongly assumed that she was childless. That she had to sacrifice her personal life to achieve professional success. When she spoke about her children, it reminded me that all parents have the same problems balancing their family, professional and personal lives no matter what their title and salary are. (EDIT: It bothers me that I made that assumption – that the only way to get to the top at work is to sacrifice the rest of your life to your job. It’s unfair to the people at the top and sets unrealistic expectations for those at the bottom.)

I believe a lot of things about the modern workplace are wrong. I’m very intrigued by the ROWE concept. What I’m not sure of is how to fix the workplace to ensure that more people are engaged in their work and producing great things for their companies. I believe that taking the time to think about the points Ms Sandberg makes: staying at the table, owning your success and not checking out before you leave will make me – and anyone else – a happier worker. That will lead to higher engagement and productivity. That benefits company and worker alike.

I need more alone time. On my own terms though. Is that too much to ask?

family, life, thinking No Responses »

May 152011

I don’t get enough alone time. I’ve written about this before. I’m one of those people who needs time by myself to keep my head on straight. I struggle with finding the time I need and balancing it with the time my husband and daughter need from me. Never mind work and home obligations.

I steal moments when I can. I sit for a few minutes on the couch in the basement after I’ve put the next load of never-ending laundry in the washing machine. When I run upstairs to get something, I take a little longer to find it so I can collect my thoughts. I even take extra time during my trips to the bathroom.

I am such a cliché.

I get longer blocks of alone time by doing errands alone. I’ve never been much for going out on the weekends, but going to Walmart on a Friday or Saturday night just feels so lame. However, time alone is time alone, and I can think my own thoughts while pushing a grocery cart just as well as when I am somewhere less utilitarian. If I can’t be at the spa, I should at least get stuff done.

The best part of those trips are the driving. When I’m driving I feel like I’m free. I can go wherever I want. If I want to take the long way to get somewhere, I can. Of course with gas prices the way they are these days, I try to be efficient when driving out and about. No more trips around the block to finish singing along with that song on the radio. Errands still need to be done though so I still get some drive time alone.

I got more time alone than I bargained for when I was doing errands a couple Fridays ago. I was feeling really efficient as I had gotten lots done in a short amount of time. I was getting ready to head home when I turned the key in the ignition and the car wouldn’t start. I phoned Sean at home and he contacted CAA for me so they could see what was going on. (We figured it was battery issues, but the car had its battery replaced in February so we shouldn’t be having problems with a nearly new battery.) I sat in the car alone in the parking lot for 45 minutes or so while I waited for the CAA truck to show up. I watched the sky get dark. I played with my phone, but it didn’t have much battery left either so I didn’t want to overdo it.

So I sat with my thoughts. I people-watched. I worried about what could be wrong with the car.

I was alone. And all I wanted at that moment was to be home with a working car and to hang out with my husband for the rest of my evening. This was one of those moments that proves my belief that God has a sense of humor.

The CAA guy came and after he checked some stuff, got the car started. He said everything looked like it should and he wasn’t sure why the car hadn’t started. (I was sure I hadn’t left the phone charger plugged in.) He told me to drive around for about half an hour so the battery could charge itself back up.

I drove around with the radio turned up, singing along. Now that the car was behaving, I was feeling a little more carefree. I still breathed a huge sigh of relief when I pulled back into our driveway. I breathed an even bigger one when the car started up again ten minutes after I shut it off (instructions from the CAA guy).

I walked through the back door and gave Sean his now-cooling dinner (one of my errands). I was nearly 90 minutes later than I had planned to be. I was grateful for the forced time alone, but was doubly grateful to be back with my family.

I still stole a few minutes here and there while doing laundry that weekend. That’s just a given.

Random thoughts on the upcoming Canadian election

family, feminism, ideas, life, motherhood, parenthood, thinking 2 Responses »

Apr 172011

While this post is political in nature, I’ve done my best to keep it non-partisan. I’m not a die-hard supporter of any particular party, so I’m not endorsing any party’s view over another.

This may be my nerdy side showing, but I love voting in elections. Municipal, provincial, federal, student council, it doesn’t matter – they all have excitement. I like watching the numbers go up on election night and seeing who won, whether they’re an incumbent, an upstart or a dark horse.

As much as I enjoy the excitement of elections, it’s hard to get past the cynicism and distrust I have of so many politicians. So many promise the moon to get people to vote for them and then spend their term explaining why the promises they made just can’t materialize into change. I don’t trust politicians who seem to be calculating every move they make and are in it more for their own fame and legacy versus actually being the voice of their constituents. This makes me naive, doesn’t it?

I’ve been paying a lot of attention to the #momthevote movement on Twitter and Facebook. Anything that gets people talking about the issues and gets them out to vote is okay with me. Family-friendly policies have become more important to me since I became a parent, and I’m grateful for being able to read in one place about how all the parties plan to treat Canadian families. I’m also enjoying the debate going on and it’s making me think more about the issues up for debate in this election (and the issues that aren’t being debated which is telling in itself).

I don’t understand how politicians who cross party lines (or go independent) midway through their term can keep their position without a by-election. Their constituents may have voted for them for personal reasons, but odds are they voted for them because they were affiliated with a certain party. If everyone in a riding voted for a person because they belonged to Party X, and that person joins Party Y half way through, they may no longer represent the wishes of the riding. If the constituents really like that person, they can certainly vote them back in but I think constituents should be given a choice.

It alo really bugs me when people say “I don’t want my tax dollars going to <something that won’t benefit them directly but will benefit many other Canadians>. I expect my tax dollars to go into a big pool. That pool is then used to dole out money to all the different services and things Canadians want and need. I can’t and won’t use every benefit my taxes help pay for, but that doesn’t mean other Canadians don’t need them. Since we’re a country, we’re all in this together and it takes all of us to pay the bills.

Please get out and vote on May 2nd. Make sure your voice is heard.

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